Sunday, May 31, 2015

Frankenfoot

I'm still recovering from my freakish fall on the way home from the beach.  I'm looking forward to the follow up on Wednesday to get a better handle on what's going on.  I really don't want to push myself too much if it's a tendon or whatever, but at the same time I don't want to draw it out longer than normal.

I already reached out to Callahan who is one of the trainers at my office gym.  I want to make sure I don't fall off the wagon regardless of the healing time of my foot.  If anything is going to take a while I'm hoping that Wednesday they give me a walking cast so that I can get around easier which includes in the gym.  Plus working your arms too much and then trying to use crutches just doesn't seem smart.

Today (Sunday) I got back on the Paleo wagon so to speak.  The only way I wasn't is in that the Almond milk Matt bought has sugar (it's vanilla) so we need to get rid of it.  I do need to cut out the vast amount of fruit I'm eating too from a sugar component.

The other thing I noticed tonight was as SOON as I took my last bite of dinner I immediately started thinking about what else to eat.   I wasn't hungry but damn it if I found myself thinking about food.  I sneaked a lara bar which, while compliant still is beside the point.  I wish I could figure out what that's about and how to curb it.  I really feel like part of it is because sort of panic at the idea of not being able to eat until the morning.  Given how much better I've felt eating clean (and how much weight I've lost) and yet still go back just speaks so much to the power of food.

For now it's just like when I quit smoking--one day, sometimes one hour or even one minute, at a time.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

What's in a Name

While I don't expect anyone else to read this blog I'm intending to write it as such because, well basically I want to remember this stuff.  This started as a baby blog.  Then I found another personal tumblr blog and was all "oh, I'll merge my new blogs over there" which I did, and then proceeded to accidentally delete it for all time and eternity while trying to clean things up.  I love how shit comes  back to bite you on the internet except when  you are trying to find something and then it's all "black hole abyss".

Anywho, this started out as Kate's baby blog which I want to make sure I do NOT accidentally delete.  However things have changed over here.  As I write this, Emerson is 4.5 and Kate is 19 mos.  At 10 mos, almost 11, Emerson was baptized (October 8, 2011).  After the baptism I saw a photo of myself.  I knew I was overweight but seeing it....like that?  I can't really say what it was but there was something about those pictures.

Those pictures were a catalyst.

However, unlike some strike of lightening explosion of taking action, that's not what happened for me.  It's been 3 years and almost 8 months.  I'm still overweight so no, it wasn't some drastic difference.  But also unlike some strike of lightening it wasn't a flash.  You see, slowly-ever so slowly-my mind has shifted.  There used to be a time that I was angry at my body, disappointed at my body.

Now I'm angry at my choices, disappointed in my choices, but not me and not by body.  My body has given me two children.  When I thought I could never run I ran almost a full 5K.  I started PIYO and almost immediately saw how much stronger I was getting.  I began my new job and immediately joined the gym and have been religiously.

Of course, as I write this I'm laid up in bed with a badly sprained ankle, but I digress.

My body is amazing.  I've been studying up over the course of the last year or so about the effects of food--not on the body but on the brain.  The fact that I've had amazing results eating PALEO and yet fall off the wagon so easily just shows the power of food.

So here I am.  I've found that once I find some source of motivation I don't want to let it go.  While my overall view has shifted, I need any momentum I can.  So here I am.