Monday, June 15, 2015

Secret Stash, Falling Off the Wagon and New Goals

Last week started out nerve-wracking to hit the gym but it went well.  Sadly life got in the way and Thursday and Friday were a bust.  My intention is to do Biceps/Back Monday and Thursday, Triceps and Chest Tuesday and Friday and Shoulders/Abs on Wednesday and Saturday.  I figure I can use my 5 lb weighs or just body weight at home on Saturday for that.

Sadly this weekend my food choices SUCKED.  I find it's really hard to stay on point if I'm not working out.  And Weekends?  Well they are just hard all the way around.

Why do I have such a hard time with food?  It's so damn frustrating.  There are times when I feel like my self control and will power are amazing and other times?  Not so much.  If I'm being honest part of me also doesn't want to inconvenience anyone else like Matt.That's all me of course.  It's like, what if I make us spend all this money on this particular food/menu and then I want to cheat?  Then what?

Last night I did something I'm not please with-something I used to do growing up.  I binged and then hid the evidence.  Seriously.

I'm 37 years old and I hid the evidence of my "crime" under a bunch of egg cartons.  It's like once I opened the flood gates there was no stopping me.  I'm like a woman possessed.  And yet the fact is that it impacts only me.

Today is Monday.  I got back to the gym today.  I guess that's all I can really worry about/shoot for is to keep trying.  I'd be lying if I said wasn't disappointed in myself.  

We're supposed to go to the beach again in Sept.  I had a goal of being down to the 240's by then.  It was more than doable and while it still is it's going to be much harder.  Frankly none of it is going to be possible if I don't improve my eating.  The frustrating part is just the idea that I'm so limited with my workouts.

Anyway, the new goal is to be somewhere in the 240's by 9/1.  As of this morning that means I have basically 20lbs to lose to get "in" the 240's.  I still need to get my eating under control regardless of the path I choose.

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