Down again

Down again, this time in a good way.  Down 4lbs since last week.  Technically based on my weight this AM should have been 5 but whatever.  Vacation is next week so I'm focused on maintaining.  Here's what I"m gonna do:

• Water water water. I'll allow myself 1 or 2 diet cokes but need to stick to water.  This should be ok b/c it'll be hot in the parks and I'll have a water bottle
• Walking!  Again, based on the parks we're going to etc walking shouldn't be an issue.  I need to make sure my Fitbit is Charged and bring the charger so I get credit for all of my steps :)
• Food-this is the tricky one.  I'm planning to just try to make good choices but if I want an ice cream, I'll get an ice cream.  I'm going to try to stay away from candy and stuff though, especially on the travel days.  My thought is, if I'm walking it off ok but if I'm flying that doesn't count.
• Talk to Matt-I need to be sure he understands that I need his support....or at least not saying things like "come on, it's vacation".  That said, I realize I need to be supportive of him too.

My hope is to stay within 2 lbs of where I am right now so that when I get back I can get right back in the saddle.

Still Kickin

It's July 16 as of this writing.  I started this round of WW sometime around September 20.  As the year mark comes closer and I make ZERO progress (or zero forward movement anyway) I find myself getting more and more discouraged.  Once upon a time a year was soooo far away.  I thought I'd have lost 50lbs and at that I felt slightly discouraged.  Now what I wouldn't give for 50lbs.  Hell for 25lbs.  Yea, I'm that far off.
I'm back on track this week which is great, but next week is vacation and while I keep telling myself that I'm not going to go off the rails but I'm also not going to "worry too much" I know damn well that if I'm tempted I'm bound to fall hard.
Thankfully, as frustrated and discouraged as I am I haven't given up yet, and I won't.  My coworker just saw one of the old photos of me pregnant with KK and remarked how tiny I was.   I remember feeling huge and being technically obese, and yet here I am. 
But I keep on trucking, because I also know this-If I don't, then I'll end up in an even worse way than I already am.  That alone keeps me going.

Teeter Totter

Not surprisingly, I fell off the wagon.  I say not surprisingly b/c 1) I had two good weeks and I usually slip up and 2) it was a holiday.  Unfortunately the holiday meant that I didn't weigh in until two weeks later so I've been all over the place.  Accordingly to the scale i"m up 7.2  Who know how much is water and whatever else, but it doesn't really matter, does it? 

Does it suck?  Damn Straight!  Am I giving up?  Hell no.  Somehow owning it at weigh in helps me.  Now I just need to make it until next Wednesday.  Then we'll be on vacation. I've already decided I'm not going to go overboard but I'm also not going to be too hard on myself.  There will be a lot of walking too so that helps. 

It'll be a year end of Sept which is the most depressing part.  I "should" be so much further.  At least 50lbs I thought.  And yet, it's my own doing.  I've decided that my body and mind know I'm not in the right head space and until I do come to that I'll never get anywhere.

The one good thing?  Last night I was going to say "eff it" and eat McDonalds but I remembered a book I read.  I have to think like the person I want to be.  The person I want to be wouldn't just give in and eat fatty McDonald's, so I didn't.  Also, I didn't keep sight of my Why these last two weeks, big mistake.

Finally, I'm sad to report that Matt said something to me on the 4th of July that threw me.  Basically he said he didn't know why I was tracking since we both knew I'd go off plan that night, b/c that's what we do at these things.  He was right, but I wish I had proven him wrong.  I wish he hadn't put that thought in my head int he first place. 

Ch Ch Ch Changes

I took my measurements back on June 11 and I retook them July 3.  I don't usually trust my measuring tape skills so I'm trying not to make up excuses or reasons why these numbers can't be right and yet....

	6/11/2018	7/3/2018
Chest	52	51
Rib Cage	45	45
Hips	57	55.5
Left Thigh	32.5	32
Left Calf	19.5	19.5
Left upper arm	17.5	17
Right Thigh	33	32
Right Calf	21	20
Right upper arm	18	17.5

Apparently I lost an inch and a half from my hips!  The scale may not have moved that much but my body did.  Horray for that!

Keeping at it

Another good week shown on the scales.  Again though, I'm a little mixed emotion since I know that 3lb losses aren't sustainable. 

Tonight Matt and I went for ice cream and while it was worth it I'm negative in points now.  Wednesday, my normal weigh in day, is also the 4th.  So now I have to decide if I want to weigh in on the 5th (Thursday) and sit through the meeting and own it or wait until next Wednesday as originally planned.  I think I'll have to own it.  I need to keep honest.  I need to make sure I don't have a mental set back.  That's the only reason I would skip this week but that doesn't really make sense. 

I also didn't work out today which is disappointing.  I had hoped to get home earlier but that didn't happen. 

The one good thing in all of this is that I'm keeping honest.  Well, I shouldn't say the one good thing but one of the good things. 

What would it be like if I just didn't give up on myself?  I'm working to find that out.